I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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