Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
