wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
