We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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