Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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