The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
