I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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