He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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