My hair reeks of homosexuality.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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