in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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