my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
