Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
