explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
