He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
