We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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