FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
