I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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