how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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