Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
