Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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