When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
