Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
