butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
