I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
