The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
