My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
