Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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