There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
