A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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