you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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