Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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