im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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