I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
