Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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