So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
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My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
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This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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