If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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