3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
