Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
