you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
