My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
