My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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