I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
