So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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