If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
