so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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