Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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