If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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