At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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