Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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