i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
