Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it was like eating out sand paper
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
