The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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