I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
