Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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