I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
