Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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