I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
