Just mADE A PArabola og urine
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
