he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
