i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
