I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my phone needs a breathalizer
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
