It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
