Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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