I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
