I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
