Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
