its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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