A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
