I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
