i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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