i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
