why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
