I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
