i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
