dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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