Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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