the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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