I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
