white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
