These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
