before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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