That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
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Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
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I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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