i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
